The tea ceremony (敬茶) is where the couple formally greet each other’s families. They serve tea to their elders, and the elders give their blessing with an ang bao or jewellery. It is short, it is emotional, and it goes much more smoothly with a list.
When it happens
- Morning, at the groom's home. After the groom fetches the bride. The groom's family is always served first.
- Afternoon, at the bride's home. When the couple returns. Many couples now hold both rounds at the venue before the dinner.
What you need
- A wedding tea set (the one from the dowry, or any set)
- Sweet tea: red dates, lotus seeds and dried longan
- Two chairs for the elders, and cushions if you will kneel
- A red tray for serving
- A helper to pour and refill (a sister, cousin or bridesmaid)
- Extra cups, or a basin of warm water to rinse between rounds
- Someone to collect ang bao and jewellery and note who gave what
- Red packets for younger relatives who serve you
- A list of relatives in serving order, with their titles
The order of serving
- Grandparents
- Parents
- Uncles and aunts, eldest first
- Elder brothers and sisters, and their spouses
- Elder cousins
- Younger siblings and cousins serve you tea, and you give each an ang bao
- Nieces and nephews
Serve the father’s side before the mother’s side. Within each, go from eldest to youngest, and serve married couples together. Some families prefer the parents first: ask yours.
How to serve
- The couple kneel or stand in front of the seated elders. Many families now prefer standing.
- Hold the cup with both hands, address the elder by their family title, and invite them to drink.
- The elder drinks, returns the cup, and gives an ang bao or puts jewellery on the bride.
- A helper refills the cups and someone notes who gave what, so you can thank them later.
| Language | Please drink tea | Pinyin |
|---|---|---|
| Mandarin | 请喝茶 | qing he cha |
| Cantonese | 请饮茶 | cheng yam cha |
What to call each relative
The bride uses the groom’s family titles, and the groom uses the bride’s. These are the Mandarin terms; many families use dialect titles instead.
| Relative | Title | Pinyin |
|---|---|---|
| Grandfather (father's side) | 爷爷 | ye ye |
| Grandmother (father's side) | 奶奶 | nai nai |
| Grandfather (mother's side) | 外公 | wai gong |
| Grandmother (mother's side) | 外婆 | wai po |
| Father's elder brother | 伯伯 | bo bo |
| His wife | 伯母 | bo mu |
| Father's younger brother | 叔叔 | shu shu |
| His wife | 婶婶 | shen shen |
| Father's sister | 姑姑 | gu gu |
| Her husband | 姑丈 | gu zhang |
| Mother's brother | 舅舅 | jiu jiu |
| His wife | 舅妈 | jiu ma |
| Mother's sister | 阿姨 | a yi |
| Her husband | 姨丈 | yi zhang |
From the shop
Wedding Tea Ceremony Planner
Serving order sheets for both families, the titles in Chinese, the checklist and a log of who gave what.
Ang bao and jewellery
Elders give after they are served. Common amounts:
| Who | Common amount |
|---|---|
| Grandparents | S$88 to S$188 |
| Parents | S$288 to S$888, or jewellery |
| Uncles, aunts and other relatives | S$50 to S$288, or jewellery |
| The couple, to younger siblings who serve them | A small ang bao, often ending in 8 |
Younger siblings and cousins then serve tea to the couple, and the couple gives each of them an ang bao.
Sources: SingaporeBrides: Chinese wedding tea ceremony guide; National Library Board: Chinese weddings in Singapore.
